


Where It Keeps Its Brain

by AdaptationDecay



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Blame Each Other Challenge, Car Sex, Challenge Response, Crack, Other, Tree Sex, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-13
Updated: 2003-04-13
Packaged: 2017-10-04 10:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdaptationDecay/pseuds/AdaptationDecay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Slytherincess in the 2003 'Blame Someone Else' challenge on Minerva McTabby's LiveJournal.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Where It Keeps Its Brain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Slytherincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherincess/gifts).



> Written for Slytherincess in the 2003 'Blame Someone Else' challenge on Minerva McTabby's LiveJournal.

Ships are always female. There is quite possibly a similar ruling regarding the gender of flying cars, but in the absence of a signed statement from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang him or herself, it's probably best if we keep an open mind on the subject.

 

The whomping willow is exceptionally open-minded.

 

In fact the willow is fairly open in general, having been planted and raised for the sole function of admitting a pubescent boy into its mossy depths and holding him there while he thrashed around with wild abandon. While this caused the willow some degree of discomfort, it also had the unexpected benefit being worth six points on the arboreal purity test. (The willow had a purity test score that would be envied by many of the more mobile life forms.)

 

So perhaps considering the willow's monthly tribulations and its role as the penetrated rather than the penetrator, it would be safest if we considered it to be female. No doubt the willow herself would be glad to enlighten us, but she's handicapped somewhat by her absence of vocal cords. Although her branches do tend to make odd noises in high winds, some of which seem to express moments of high emotion.

 

The current emotion represented is _need_.

 

Her wolf boy graduated some fifteen years ago and the willow is understandably feeling rather lonely and restless. While she doesn't have anything like so rigidly defined a life cycle as the common mandrake, both _Salix Saevio_ and _Mandragora Vulgaris_ share a sense of time and what the willow chiefly senses is that time is being wasted. She doesn't want another wolf, she wants something new. Something that is unique and fascinating. Possibly the phrase we're looking for here is _compellingly shiny_. Certainly that's the phrase which is flickering through her thoughts now, as the turquoise Ford Anglia of indeterminate gender comes hurtling from the heavens and into her upper branches.

 

All things considered, it's fortunate that the only witnesses to their rapturous lovemaking are two small boys, entirely unaware of what it is they're seeing. As small children often do, when accidentally seeing their elders in coitus, the boys mistake passion for anger, ecstasy for savagery. After extricating themselves from the branches, the boys believe themselves to have barely escaped with their lives from a violent, murderous piece of fauna. They fail to see the willow settle herself back upon her trunk: bruised, exhausted and finally sated as she watches her lover vanish into the forest.

 

In the months that have passed since that glorious evening, the willow has often wondered if her compellingly shiny gift from the gods will ever return to her. Certainly she is always alert and ready, in case it should ever come trundling out of the forest: throbbing, shiny and humming with desire. Human women may vary in the intensity of their passion and even fend off amorous admirers with claims of headaches, but the willow waits patiently without this inconvenience. For one thing it's exceedingly difficult to have a headache when you don't have a head. For another it's exceedingly difficult to have a headache when you're the base product in aspirin.


End file.
